Sometimes I think, I’ve gone beyond my limits…beyond my heart’s border line…beyond my patience…and sometimes that wasn’t me anymore…where’s my patience??? Did I just lose it??? Is it the sign that my ‘Iman’ (my faith to Allah) has gone??? “Astaghfirullah hal azim….” “Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim, hambaMu ini telah melampaui batas” (In the name of Allah, Your servant has gone beyond the limit) but You still be nice at me…You still give me the chance to breath..The moment I woke up in the morning, right after a short moment of death whereby my soul is flying away while I slept…You still allow it to enter my body…You still give me a chance to wake up…a chance to be a better person…a good ‘muslimah’…a person who can give her hands to the world…You keep reminding me because You want me to be in ‘Jannah’ (heaven) soon…
The moment I opened my eyes to the world, the widest I opened it, the more I realized that I should be grateful enough…He’d gave me everything…everything one’s need…He gave me a beautiful family, great parents, best siblings ever and good friends ever…I have everything…He gave me the chance to study medicine which is my dream since I was six…He sends me here in Makassar, Indonesia not only to study medicine, but to study the life…to make me able to see the life of others…and the more I see…I know that I’m the luckiest one who’ve been selected by Him…here, I learn a lot, I learn the meaning of life…I see the real life that I’ve never thought about it before..
I see the barefooted poor mendicants, in worn-out clothes, walking miles everyday begging for thousands rupiah just to feed their children…I see the kids in their young age willing to do anything just for a thousand rupiah which equal to RM 0.30…they do everything, begging, working, selling newspapers on the street…just to feed themselves on that day…whenever I see them, my heart is touched and I think I’ve really gone beyond the limit…I’m never satisfied…huh I’m really bad…so bad…
The moment I feel sad, the moment Allah is testing me…I thought it was so huge… I thought the thing that stuck in my brain, in my heart is so big….but I was wrong…definitely wrong….because there’s still many people outside survive even the world’s been harsh to them…and when I think further, thinking of my brothers and sisters in Palestine, in Syria…they faced the bullets, the bombs everyday…they’re tested physically, mentally and spiritually..they lost people they loved, they lost their family, right in front of them..but they’re strong enough, their patience really made me ashamed of myself…really….I’ve gone beyond the limits..I should be grateful to Allah…then I keep thinking…thinking of’para sahabat’..recall the story I’ve heard, I’ve read since in kindergarten..the great woman whose she and her family has been promised to be in heaven by Allah..she isSumayyah binti Khabath ra., the first ‘muslimah’ who died as a martyr for the sake of’Islam’
After all, when I compare what I’ve been through today with all of them (the poor, the’mujahid’ and ‘mujahidin’ in Palestine and Syria, the martyr ‘Sumayyah’) I could never beat them..the trouble, the sadness I’ve been through is just a piece of theirs’…how embarrassed I am…
The moment I feel sad, I just have Allah…only to Him I can tell everything, speak by heart…only He can understand me…I’ll continuously pray to be patient and strong..just for seeking of His redha, His love and His heaven (jannah)..because I know that there’s always a miracle…and I believe behind all the troubles, He have prepared good things ahead…and His determination is always right…His decision for His servants is always the best…He has gave al-Quran as a guide, and inside that, it’s full of doa’..He has stated everything inside that holy Quran..if we’re sad, just turn to Him…recite His words and pray to Him…
Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.”
“Allah tidak membebani seseorang, melainkan sesuai dengan kehendaknya,” (QS, Al-Baqarah: 286)
“Wahai Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau hukum kami jika kami lupa atau kami bersalah,” (Qs. Al-Baqarah: 286)
“Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau bebankan kami beban yang berat sebagaimana Engkau bebankan kepada orang-orang sebelum kami,” (QS. Al-Baqarah: 26)
“Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau pikulkan kepada kami apa yang tak sanggup kami memikulnya,” (QS. Al-Baqarah: 286)
“Beri maaflah kami dan ampunilah kami dan rahmatilah kami,” (QS. Al- Baqarah: 286)
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
“Di sebalik setiap kesusahan, pasti ada kesenangan”
That was His promise and He’ll never break His promise..just trust in Allah…live in patience just to seek for His redha and His love….. ^^
written by: Zahra Firdausi